When you start a relationship you never think about the end because the end is not relevant, or even possible in your eyes. Falling in love is like nothing else matters. The person you love is all you want, all you care about and you never think that love will end. You don’t feel you can live without them. Love does not always last and when it’s taken away from you its like someones stuck a dagger through your heart.
I was recently dumped. Two days after christmas in fact. I never saw it coming, I knew we had our problems and little fights but I never thought this time would come. My judgement was completely clouded by my love for him, if he did anything wrong I would forgive him so quickly because in my eyes he didn’t do anything wrong. I seemed to forget the fights we had about something as petty as closing the door, with me ending up crying because he would shout at me and get angry when all I wanted him to do was cuddle and just be happy; but you can’t force a persons happiness.
The last time I saw him before he broke up with me, yes we kissed and fought, but the intimacy had completely gone.The signs started to show that we weren’t the loving couple we used to be. The day it all happened he was being funny with his phone and not really replying to me. I just put it down to the amount of revision he had to get done as I knew his exams were important to him. But then my mum came home with a weird expression on her face, and my sister was with her when she was meant to have caught a train back to hers. My mum took me to my room and said he had called her to see if I was going to be at home, she said he was going to end it with me and was coming over later that day. In that one moment my whole world seemed to fall apart. That one person who had given me two years of extreme happiness after a horrible time at school didn’t want to be with me. I was convinced I could talk to him and remind him of our love and that breaking up wasn’t the answer. However I was wrong, he came to my house and told me he couldn’t be with me. The worst thing was he told me he didn't love me anymore. How could he change his feelings in such a short space of time? What have I done? Is this all my fault? What could I have done differently that would have stopped this happening?
The weeks to follow were one of my darkest times that I’d had in years since being bullied at school and having an eating disorder. All I would think about is how bad my life was and how lonely I felt. I didn’t feel like I had any friends or that anyone wanted to see me. I shut myself off completely, running off from uni for a week because I just couldn’t handle seeing people being happy. I was making myself more upset and more angry.
Then I decided this wasn’t helping and things would never get better thinking about him and what I could have done to make it work. So I started being more sociable, going out, sleeping with a guy, getting drunk at any possible moment because I could escape from my feelings. Yes, my social life got better and I was immersing myself in my work and got into all my uni’s of choice but I just wasn’t happy. I was unsure if the people I was spending time with actually liked me or if I was just annoying them.
Then one day I went on a walk alone and I had an epiphany of sorts. I decided that life is too short for this. Yes, I’d been dumped and life felt awful but I spent two years of my life with an amazing person and instead of looking back at what could have been if it was different I decided to remember what an amazing time I did have with him. I also realised although I felt bad, my life wasn’t bad! I had an amazing load of support from my friends and family who love me! Im at an incredible uni with so many opportunities and have met so many interesting people who have been through similar experiences to me. I said to myself I just need to chill out and not worry about things. Be carefree, make mistakes, have fun in the process because you only have one life to do that in.
Life is just to short to fill it with regret and longing. You should live life in the moment, let things happen, reflect and then move on! No amount of regret will make things better. Remember those that love you and appreciate them. No matter how hard life feels and how low you drop, it will always get better. You will love again, and the journey will happen all over again. So just let it happen and enjoy the process.
